Welcome to the first of many blogs where I embark on a journey of healing, self-discovery, and transformation. This starting point holds profound significance, and as you follow along, you’ll understand why.

When we heal, we release immense hurt and pain that we often don’t realise we’re holding onto. The process can be liberating.

However, healing isn’t always straightforward. Sometimes it feels like being stuck in the mud. Yet, on the other side of that struggle lies a deeper love for yourself and others. Your life, heart, mind, and world expand beyond anything you thought possible.

In January 2024, I decided to confront the most painful grief of my life: losing my Dad. While I don’t believe I will ever fully heal from this loss, I understand that there is always work to be done. It’s crucial to check in with ourselves regularly, cry when necessary, and recognize that it’s okay to feel sadness, even when it comes out of the blue.

My Dad died by suicide in March 2023, a tragedy that shattered me. I was plunged into a dark place where, despite glimpses of light and hope, I couldn’t see a way out. This photo, taken at my boys’ rugby practice, symbolises how I felt during those initial months.

Description of image: Dark picture taken at night with the flood lights on the rugby pitch visible in the distance.

I couldn’t think straight, hold a conversation, eat, or function. I was numb, observing myself from the outside.

The journey has been long, but this year I knew something had to change. I signed up to work with Dipti, a grief coach recommended by someone I love and trust (the Fairy Godmother herself, if you know, you know). Although I knew it would be hard, I was ready. I couldn’t continue living under the dark cloud of pain, avoiding it rather than confronting it head-on.

Weirdly, I said this to Dipti on a few occasions, I would often feel an excitement at the thought of healing.

Have you ever talked about your life as if you’re just the narrator? That was me, a way to keep myself safe. But I knew I needed to move forward.

Working with Dipti has been transformative. You’ll see more about this in future blog posts. I’ve opened up, cried when I needed to, and talked—not to get answers, but to be heard. We don’t do that often enough, but Dipti offered me her time, love, and patience.

In March 2024, two monumental events occurred. First, I stood on a stage in front of 400 people and shared my story, including my Dad’s. This reinforced the importance of connecting with ourselves, a message I often share through my business, Inspire and Connect. I am a testament to the significance of self-connection, a topic I’ll delve into more in future posts.

After this powerful moment, I travelled to the US for a family holiday at Disney. We met my Dad’s best friend and created unforgettable memories. This holiday was funded by the money we inherited after my Dad’s passing—money I would have gladly traded to have him back. However, knowing he would be happy that we used it for something so magical was a comfort.

Then, something incredible happened. During one of our last evenings at Disney, my husband and I decided to take a pregnancy test. I attributed my delayed cycle to the stress of recent months, but other signs prompted me to rule out pregnancy.

Imagine our shock when we discovered, after nine years (the age of our youngest), we were expecting another baby! Shock, disbelief, confusion, anxiety, panic, and a profound sense of love washed over us.

By releasing my pain, talking, and opening my heart, I had manifested a baby. A baby I didn’t know I needed or had space for in my house of heart.

This inner work doesn’t just heal grief; it delves into the depth of your relationship with the person you lost. You discuss the good, the bad, and the ugly, which is all part of understanding why the pain of loss manifests as it does.

As I stood on that stage at the Big Festoon, I was unknowingly pregnant. Sharing my Dad’s story and offering hope to others, I was nurturing new life within me. Now, I know this life is another boy. I believe my Dad played a role in this, wanting the baby to carry his name, Christopher! Nice one Dad.

Healing from the pain and hurt allowed me to manifest this baby. It’s a reminder to focus on life instead of death, to cherish those who are living and breathing, and to be grateful for the time I had with my Dad. Perhaps this was always how it was meant to unfold.

Life can be cruel, but it is also beautiful. Part of healing is seeing that beauty amid the pain that never entirely leaves you.

As I write this, my heart fills with joy and my eyes with tears. Although my Dad won’t meet this child in this physical life, I know they have already met in spirit, and that is truly special.

Something I have learnt along the way is, It all starts and ends with you.

When people say you’re selfish for putting yourself first, it’s nonsense. You must prioritise yourself to live the best life you can. There are no second chances. Loving yourself unconditionally allows you to give so much more to others.

I started a vlog after my first session with Dipti, not knowing why but feeling compelled to document my journey. I hadn’t shared it or thought about what to do with it, but now I understand.

This blog begins with a happy ending, providing hope that beyond the tears and pain, there is love, new life, and so much more.

I hope this helps you, wherever you are on your journey. Know that I am always here to talk.

Sending you all the love in the world,

Laura Xoxo